Letters of Despair
by fairycutter
Summary: Dear Fanfiction Writers, Thank you for all the great stories you wrote about us so far. We enjoyed it, kinda. With all due respect, can we ask for something? Please stop write nonsense about us. We believe that there is so much good stories you can come up for us, so let just stick with the good material, okay? Thank you. Oh! Malfoy said, he's not asking, he demanded.
1. I'm straight and I love Ginny

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Could you please stop writing nonsense fiction about me? Pretty please... Especially with whom you lots pairing me with. I love Ginny, I really do. I don't care even if our relationship are cliché or predictable or unoriginal. I love her, and that is the only thing that matter.

Yes, Luna is awesome. How hard is it for you to understand that she is a friend to me, a good friend and I owe her a lot, but a friend nonetheless. And please don't even let me start on Hermione, I do love her, you know, but as a sister.

One more thing, the most important thing, not that I'm saying my love for Ginny not the most important thing... it just... I'm straight people! Stop your crazy idea pairing me with men. I hate Voldemort, I dislike Malfoys (yes both) and I certainly not have a thing for Zabini or any other men your twisted mind come to think and write.

Please stop! I'm War Hero, I have reputation to uphold. I have enough stress from the Press and Ginny, as much as I love her, she loves to tease me when she read slashfic but you know what? She's so scary when she read about me paired with other women.

So for the peace in the Wizarding World and for the love of Merlin, please stop write nonsenses stories or else I'll ask Hermione to do something with your Brain, and that if you still have brain after Ginny finish with you guys.

Heed my wish or suffer,

Harry Potter


	2. I'm perfect, so what?

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I'm sure Harry already told you how much I hate it when he got pair with other witches, but he said I have more persuasive way than him, so I'm telling you again. Stop the hell out of pairing him with other witches, the only witch you're allowed to pair him with is me, me as in ME. Likewise, stop pairing me with other wizards notably Zabini and Malfoy. I don't know about Zabini's witch but Malfoy's has terrible temper, she also extremely scary and dangerous witch.

Stop pegging me as Mary Sue, I'm not her, I have my own live. You hate me because I'm perfect? Oh please! What in the name of Godric so wrong with being perfect? I also not see being flirty is a crime, beside it's not like I'm flirting while in dating realationship. I'm faithful to Harry.

I also would never being a bitch to Hermione, like ever. In case you forget, she was the one who advised me to date other wizards and just be myself so Harry can see me for who I am and not just Ron's little sister. And look where I am now? I am Harry James Potter's girlfriend. I owe her for live.

Sincerely,

Ginevra Weasley

p.s. Harry asked me to reach to all the beta readers. He need help with his letter, and Hermione is off to some Island with some prat Wizard. If you have time and willing to put up with him and maybe Ron too, he also itching to write some letter, Please help them. Thank you.

p.p.s. I'm not too sure about my letter, maybe you need to check it too. But don't worry, I'm nice witch, I promise I won't hex you if you find fault with my letter.


	3. I'm tall and handsome black wizard

Dear Fanfiction Writers

I want to thank all of you who have written about me. I haven't read all of it but so far it's been amusing reading material. I don't particularly have any objection regarding topics you've chosen no matter how far fetched they are. Some topics do raise questioning though, such as; me and Granger as sibling. You do know that we came from different breed, do you? Well, at least that's better than make me her suitor. I do wonder though, what make you think that I have any interest on her or the otherwise? I'm not saying she's ugly or something, but it's really too farfetched of you to think I would fall for her.

Good thing, fanfic about me being her suitor is not much. You don't know about this, but there was times when I got hit by Imperius Curse and wake up only to find myself done something embarrassing in public. At first, I don't know who did it, but lately I figured it out. That's your fault muggles. When _He_ got caught wind of fanfiction that pair me with Granger, that's my ticket to Imperius Curse or after I found out, my ticket to fly out of country. I felt like running Death Eater, but that's better rather than featured on Daily Prophet doing embarrassing things. I'll forgive you muggles, as long as you stop writing about me as her suitor and pair me with other witches. An attractive ones like myself of course.

I like it when you write me as suave man. I'm not like that in real life, but if you want to interpret me that way, I don't mind at all. I do mind if you pair me with another wizard or that I'm a witch. Please muggles, I'm too handsome to be a witch and I definitely wouldn't waste my handsomeness by falling for another wizard. It's not like there's shortage of witch.

I guess that's all muggles, just when write about me remember that I'm tall and handsome black wizard with high cheekbones and long, slanting eyes.

Sincerely,

Blaise Zabini

p.s. I just read Weasley's letter. What make you to think that I want to be paired with you? I never knew a more presumptuous witch than her. Just because you're a bit attractive, doesn't mean you have the right to put your pretty little red head on the cloud.


	4. I'm very much alive and kicking

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I'm alive and very much kicking and I'll be grateful to you if you stop thinking that I'm dead. Have you heard werewolf's howl to the moon every month? Yes, that's me. So, from now on, since you've already known that I'm alive, start writing about me! Also just because I tend to squeal and giggle a lot doesn't mean that I'm silly little witch.

I love Won-Won, but our love is like star-cross love story. Hard to get happy ending, so then I'm counting on you, muggles. Don't let me down! Consider this request as payment for all of you who rudely thought that I were dead.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Lavender Brown


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